November 20, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers!
Another week passed, and another season being written into the history books.
The week began with our first regional qualifier game against the Oakland City Mighty Oaks on Wednesday. On this very day, the Oaks didn’t seem so mighty as we defeated them by a score of 2-1 with goals scored by Zack (Spot of Tea) Gatlin and Zach (Bad Newz misses me) Harris. With his wonderful strike to the far post from an impossible angle, the Zazz has probably put in the best case to win our prestigious “Goal of the Year” award.
On Thursday, as we trekked up the hill leading to our practice field, we definitely noticed something different in the arraignment of cones on the field. To make matters even more peculiar, Coach (Okay, okay, okay…) Grant was amazingly acting even more strange than normal. Our minds quickly darted back to two years ago when instead of practicing we played kick ball and ate ice cream. Sure enough, Coach called us all in and informed us that today we would be partaking in some good ol’ fashioned flag football to take our minds off soccer.
After three intense games of backyard football, it was clear that one out of the four teams stood above the rest. Quarterbacked by Steve (Joe Flacco) Schindler, team “All Dogs Go” demolished their competition because of star gridiron performances by Zack (Wes Welker) Gatlin, Connor (A.J. Green) Scott, Grant (Doug Legursky playing linebacker) Kovac, Steve (Too good for a nickname) Ellis, Dillon (I don’t like the NFL) King, and Eric (All-time Center) Hoober. After playing smash-mouth football all afternoon, team “All Dogs Go” needed a Santonio Holmes-esque diving catch in the back of the end zone by Connor Scott to secure the championship. The date on the parade is still to be determined.
Other highlights from our pigskin practice included Ryan (Catch me if you can) Thurman returning punts like Devin Hester, Jared (Butter fingers) Newman and Christian (Brick hands) Alexander dropping every pass thrown their way, Connor (Brett Favre) Gilmour throwing interceptions every other pass, Ryan (The Sjo Goes On) Sjoquist picking up clutch fourth down receptions and barreling through the defense, and Coach Knight running a five-yard route only to scream for the ball to be thrown his way on every single play, whether he was open or not.
After our last pre-gameday practice of the year on Friday, we ended our season with a disappointing 1-0 loss on Saturday. This game not only marked the final time that our four seniors set foot on Yellow Jacket Field, but also the final time that they will wear that Cedarville jersey. A special shout out goes to our four seniors for everything that they have done for our program and the special legacy that they are leaving behind.
Until next year, I leave you with this quote from Coach Beall:
“Would rather have lost with this group of men than won with any other group in the country.”
That’s all for now, folks!
November 12, 2012
Greetings from Bang Na Towers!
Another week passed, and another moment staring at the screen waiting for “Cedarville” to show up on the NCAA bracket. So now that we know what it feels like to be a March Madness bubble team, we are currently gearing up for a chance to keep playing some more soccer down in the Sunshine State.
This past weekend is always our favorite weekend of the year, Fall Recruit Weekend. After teaching all of the recruits how to draw a “W” on the field, how to pass like only Arsenal knows how, and how to find the edible food in Chuck’s, we gathered with the recruits to eat pizza and watch Steve (Wacco for Flacco) Schindler’s favorite 42 minute highlight tape. By far, the most significant event of the entire week was the stunning panel performance by Zach (Another pair of shoes) Harris. The Zazz poetically explained that Cedarville soccer was a mixture of academy soccer, school soccer, and summer camp soccer.
Later in the night, as Ethan (Anybody seen Croatia?) Lee was frantically searching for something very important that he seemed to have misplaced, a new Brock record for most kids sleeping in one room was set with a high of 12 kids. Even more shocking than that, rumor on the block is that Daniel (I’m still a recruit) Rigby was dethroned in FIFA by a recruit who had never even played before.
In other news, shout out of the week goes to my 12-year-old sister Marisa (Sharpshooter) Hoober for killing her first buck while Mitch (I owe compassion money) Goodling just shook his head in disapproval.
That’s all for now, folks!
November 5, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers!
Another week passed, and another minute waiting for the selection committee to make their decision.
This past week began with our last regular season home game, which happened to be held at Wright State University because the remnants of a particularly large east coast storm was making our game field too wet. We lined up against the Kentucky Wesleyan Panthers and the game was quickly underway. Goals in the victory were scored by Steve (Stolen Tic-Tacs) Ellis, Timmy (Still Needs a Haircut) Waller, Ryan (Do Me a Favor) Thurman, and Jared (No Class) Newman.
Later in the week commenced the 2nd annual Cedarville Men’s Soccer Costume Bowling Event, however, rather than bowling, the event took place at the women’s volleyball game. Appearances were made by the Mighty Ducks (Ethan Shula and Todd McKinley), replacement referees (Steve Schindler and Steve Ellis), an angry hunter (Connor Gilmour), a scared whitetail deer (Joe Davison), LeBron James (Zach Harris), a mummy (Timmy Waller), and a ridiculous chicken (Eric Hoober). Best costume award goes out to Frodo Baggins (Zack Gatlin) and worst costume award goes to the group who thought they looked like a S’more (Connor Scott, Jeremy Hoppe, Jared Newman, and Steve Morris).
The week ended with two games against the Trevecca Nazarene Trojans and the Urbana Blue Knights in our conference tournament. Victory was achieved against the Trojans with goals scored by Christian (Clothes Too Tight) Alexander, Zach (Berbatov) Harris, and Zach (I score bad goals, too) Gatlin. As we walked off the field in jubilation, we were greeted with a special visit from one of our long-lost buddies, Scott (Cancer) Roseberg. Luckily, he was still the same guy that we remembered.
The weekend concluded with a heartbreaking loss to the Blue Knights, so we are anxiously and nervously awaiting the upcoming decision regarding our post season status. Stay tuned for updates.
That’s all for now, folks!
October 29, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers!
This past week marked the last day of warm weather and the start of frigid, freezing, and frostbite weather. Besides Eric (Cold blooded) Hoober and Todd (Sleeveless Til I Die) McKinley, the rest of the team has resorted to donning long sleeve shirts, hats, gloves, and even the occasional hand warmers just to stay warm during practice. Furthermore, the lone soul to sport a pair of leggings on the practice field this week was Josh (I hate Jack Frost) Hanif, who is ironically from that cold country up north where the citizens play ice hockey and make maple syrup.
After a disappointing result in our first game of the week, we geared up to let out our frustration on the Concord Mountain Lions. However, before the game, Eric (Skinhead) Hoober decided to cut his own hair like he normally does. Everything was going according to plan, that is until he realized that it is probably a bad idea to start cutting without putting the guard on the clippers. Too late, the damage was done, and the only way to hide the bald streak down the middle of the scalp was to cut the rest of it without any guard at all. What a disaster, but laughs were shared by all as he showed up to pre-game worship with less hair on his scalp than on Steve (Peach Fuzz) Ellis’s chin.
We ended up taming the Mountain Lions with a 4-0 victory on goals scored by Justin (Hour 45, No Problem) Santoro, the Mountain Lions themselves, Eric (Truck Stick) Newman, and Timmy (It’s been too long) Waller. We finished the week by hunkering down and tracking every move of Hurricane Sandy to make sure that Zach (Afro or Fohawk?) Harris’s Bad Newz does not get washed away while he is in Ohio.
That’s all for now, folks!
October 22, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers!
Another week passed, and another ping pong game lost by Coach (Blast!) Knight to Ethan (GUSTAN Cuts) Lee and Myles (I’m better at ping pong than fantasy football) Greely.
Midway through this week, the campus of Cedarville transformed into a quiet place of solitude as all of the people not on a fall sports team went home for Fall Break. This weekend, along with preseason, is one of our favorite times of the year because there are no lines in the cafeteria, no longboarders trying to run us over on the sidewalk, no loud people in our dorm past quiet hours, no parking a mile away from Brock because of full parking spots, and best of all, no classes or chapel. Just soccer, soccer, and more soccer.
We kicked off our celebration of having the whole campus to ourselves by having a team event at the Hoppe’s. After Joe (Call me Joe Montana) Davison and the freshmen were tossing around the good ol’ pigskin, the upperclassmen challenged them to a classic backyard gridiron battle. As the freshmen tried their best to gain yards by running the same play over and over, the game was won by the upperclassmen because of a key position change of Grant (Doug Legursky) Kovac moving from lineman to safety.
Friday night’s team event consisted of Coach (Soup Kitchen) Knight showing up with a full pumpkin patch in the back of his minivan and the rest of us showing up with an assortment of knives that would definitely scare away the bravest of burglars. Each player was randomly paired with a teammate for the 1st Annual Cedarville Men’s Soccer Pumpkin Carving Contest. As Zach (Shoe Doctor) Harris and Timmy (No pumpkins in Morocco) Waller both learned how to carve their first pumpkins, Ethan (Pablo Picasso) Shula and Connor (It’s all about the knife) Scott won the contest with an impeccable carving of Tigger from the Hundred Acre Wood.
Our first game this week was a 1-0 victory against the Tiffin Dragons with the lone goal coming off the foot of Daniel (Can’t wait to vote) Rigby. Our second game of the week was a match against the Salem International Tigers. In the blink of an eye, three goals were scored in the first eight minutes by Connor (I hate Country) Scott, Jared (Smashed BaconZilla) Newman, and Todd (Glass Ankle) McKinley. Ethan (I’m busy, I’m Skyping) Shula and Jeremy (My Brothers Hit Me) Hoppe scored their first goals of the year to finish up the scoring rampage.
That’s all for now, folks!
October 15, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! Another week passed, and another turning point in the movie.
With no games in the middle of the week, we trained each day with a focus on our upcoming match against the Trevecca Nazarene Trojans. Besides Justin (Big Game Hunter) Santoro going on yet another expedition to hunt our soccer balls that get kicked into the corn field, the highlight of the week had to be Jared (Who needs Los Lobos) Newman officially becoming a member of “The Crew.” After winning his first game of DORTK (Official game of The Crew) and thus sealing his membership, Jared celebrated by remarkably losing the odds game at odds of 1 to 75. That’s mind-boggling!
As we were traveling along on our quest down south to Nashville, Tennessee, we got some culture by watching one of the greatest movies of all time, Remember the Titans. While most of the team was learning about soul power and how to be mobile, agile, and hostile, a group in the back of the bus started up a card game of bull. The card game quickly became second thought as Ryan (Send me to the Presidential Debate) Thurman realized that the definitions of “turning point” and “climax” encompass one of the most important issues in the entire world. Meanwhile, Eric (I picked up the 4th Ace) Hoober became victorious in the card game of bull, and the Titans won the championship on a Fake 23 Blast with a backside George reverse like your life depended upon it.
After we arrived in the Music City and searched everywhere for Taylor (I Knew You Were Trouble) Swift’s new album, we finally began our match against the Trojans. With only six minutes to go before overtime, Zach (Bad Newz) Harris headed a brilliant free kick into the back of the net and sent us home with a W. After a long ride home consisting of a lack of air conditioning and sleep, we finally hit the sack at close to 5 AM.
That’s all for now, folks!
October 8, 2012
Greetings from the BangNa Towers!
Another week passed, and another blown call by Justin (Blind as a bat) Santoro in the annual Cedarville Men’s Soccer Alumni Game. This is the time of the year when the pioneers of our program make the trek back to campus to relive the glory days. Countless months of strict running, lifting, and thinking twice about grabbing a second helping of dessert all led up to this game as each lad attempted to show everyone that “they’ve still got it.”
Fortunately for the young and unfortunately for the out-of-shape folks, it ended up being a full-field match on the expansive game field, which also meant that running out of the middle would be kept to a minimum on this autumn night. As these men stepped onto the field and sunk their boots into the pitch, memories of slide tackles, chanting fans, and wonderful goals flooded their minds. Quickly into the game and after a drive down the right flank by Jon (Earl still needs $50) Blauert, the first goal of the night was scored by Matt (I’m still eligible) Niemiec.
Well done by all of these trailblazers for coming back to play, not pulling any muscles, braving the rain, and showing us current players what Cedarville Soccer is all about.
Our first game of the week was against a new opponent, the Shepherd Rams. Goals in the game came from a sliding top-shelf finish by Zach (Call me Makinde) Harris and from a gritty finish by Dillon (Call me The King) King as we won 2-1 in double overtime. On Saturday was our Homecoming match and big props go out to our largest crowd of the season. They got to witness a five-spot with goals scored by Justin (Turnt Up) Santoro, Josh (Canadian Thanksgiving) Hanif, Grant (Deal with that, Full 90!) Kovac, and a double doozy by Christian (Watch out for Maddog) Alexander.
That’s all for now, folks!
October 1, 2012
Greetings from the BangNa Towers!
Another week passed, and another bucket of rain water dumped on our team run and on Davis & Elkin’s game field. It was a precipitation-filled week as we hit a six-day break in our game schedule. Because of this break, we abounded on a team run throughout campus and the town of Cedarville. In the blink of our eyes, we were suddenly back in BangNa, Thailand because this run quickly turned into a battle with mother nature as the skies instantly opened up with a torrential downpour.
As we frolicked around campus in two lines, Myles (Bad decisions) Greely thought it would be fun to slide on his bare stomach in the grass. After sliding all of 2 feet and 3 inches, he was left with numerous painful scratch marks that looked like he had been scratched by Freddy Krueger. After we arrived back on campus and proceeded to a head first dive, slide, and swim in a 100-foot long puddle, we were finished with the best team run ever.
Friday night was the much anticipated New Student Talent show where Ethan (Crowd Pleaser) Dewhurst captured the hearts and minds of all in attendance with a stunning display of the Chinese Yo-Yo. None of the other contestants even stood a chance. “Dewhurst!” chants erupted all throughout the night as he dominated the field and correctly chose Chase (What’s up Cedarville) Summerlin’s blue team. In addition, our minds were rekindled with memories of the great Blue Knight of Medieval Times in Kissimmee, FL.
The week ended with a mud bowl on a swampy field at Davis & Elkins. It was not a mud bowl to remember.
Shout out of the week goes to Phil (Or Bust) Wickham for getting here on time, leading us in amazing worship, and not being a bust.
That’s all for now, folks!
September 24, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! Another week passed, and another hour stuck in traffic in the terrible city of Pittsburgh. But before we dive into our road trip to the inferior side of Pennsylvania, we must address our tilt against the Ohio Dominican Panthers. After jockeying in line so as to avoid riding in Coach (Call me Mario Andretti ) Beall’s van, we arrived at ODU with a big game on our hands.
The tough fight ended in a disappointing 0-0 draw as Ethan (I think I can dribble) Dewhurst came up with a big save to keep the shutout intact. But much to our surprise, we were cheered up with a post-game stop at Chipotle where Eric (Bottomless Pit) Newman easily deposited two whole burritos into his stomach. Nevertheless, even better-tasting than Chipotle was a delicious apple bread dessert made by legendary cook Jayme (Betty Crocker) Santoro.
This week brought to end another chapter in the history of Dribblers. In their final contest of the season and probably because the kids knew they were getting coveted trophies afterwards, the Red Team showed a lot of heart and came from behind to tie 1-1 and to avoid a defeated season of all losses. And congratulations go out to the Purple Team for winning the league with an undefeated season and a lot of excessive celebrations, much to the disapproval of Mitch (I love you forever) Goodling.
The double-decker sleeper bus rumbled to a start bright and early Saturday morning as we departed for our adventure to Western PA. Quinn the bus driver was making a repeat performance after pioneering our road trip without a game to Lynchburg, VA last fall. After our usual road trip breakfast consisting of the Farmer’s Choice at Bob Evans, the sleeper bus climbed a giant slope to arrive at our destination on top of the hill. We now understand why they call it Seton “HILL” University. What an original name.
After the game began and the men in striped black and white shirts tried their best to be as good as the replacement referees in the NFL, goals were scored by Eric Newman and Ryan (Charlie Hater) Thurman after a breakaway by Todd (Who needs Bengals tickets?) McKinley. We won 2-0 and got to celebrate with special guests and soccer alumni Jason and Kevin (Longo Shlongo) Bender. However, as Quinn was pulling the sleeper bus away from the field and Eric (Reach don’t settle) Hoober was counting to make sure everyone was here, Ethan (Cavalier) Shula noticed Justin (Saved by Grace) Santoro booking it in a full out sprint trying to not get left behind. Luckily Quinn screeched the bus to a stop, and everyone wondered how Eric (I counted the Sjostopper) Hoober could have possibly miscounted.
Our trip concluded with a post-game meal at Grant (Pure Pennsylvania) Kovac’s humble abode where The Crew went to skip rocks on the pond while the rest of us discovered a hidden talent of our new goalkeeper. Ethan (Too much time on my hands) Dewhurst displayed a remarkable show of the Chinese Yo-Yo as we looked on in amazement and freaked out at every lasso. Come out to see the whole team support Dewhurst at the New Student Show on this upcoming Friday night.
WATCH HERE.
Shoutout of the week goes to Josh (Warrior Poet) Radcliffe for visiting us after practice and teaching us how to be forceful men.
That’s all for now folks!
September 17, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! Another week passed, and another bread stick stolen off the plate of Steve (Call me Coach) Schindler. After a delicious pre-game meal at Fazoli’s and reliving Michael Eruzione’s game-winning goal against the Soviet Union, we arrived in Canton, Ohio for our annual battle against the Walsh Cavaliers. We came seeking a bit of revenge for four straight defeats at their disposal. But not this time. Not Tuesday night. Fortunately, and mostly because our legs have been feeding the wolf, we defeated the Cavaliers handily with goals scored by Josh (That’s jokes, man) Hanif, Justin (Charles Barkley) Santoro (2), and Dillon THE King.
Now comes a very critical stanza in this week’s action. It is time to finally explain the inner-workings of an important group of young lads on the team. This exclusive group lives together (minus 1) in the overflow room on the east side of Brock, plays an invite-only game of short, short long before every practice, watches and plays countless hours of movies and video games, and takes a daily nap together in the overflow room. They are referred to simply as “The Crew.”
If they are not having soccer parties or grabbing Sunday lunch at BD’s Mongolian BBQ, they are probably taking up the whole grill in Chuck’s to mass produce stir fry dinner for The Crew. Zach (King of naps) Gatlin is the definite leader and current members include Connor (Always making a mess) Scott, Stephen (The SSC is my home) Morris, Jeremy (Trying to study amid the chaos) Hoppe, and Dillon (Can Sarah join?) King. Honorary but now departed member Scott (Whipped by Gwen) Roseberg is missed by all. You can’t live with The Crew, but you can’t live without The Crew.
On Saturday we were back on Yellow Jacket Field for a match against the Roberts Wesleyan Raiders. For the third time this season, Ryan (Lost Club President) Thurman was taken down in the box for penalty kick. This lone goal of the game was scored by Steve (Clutch like Kobe) Ellis. After the game and after all of the freshmen lost the odds game by cheating and corruption, Connor (About to be pierced) Gilmour’s secret love was discovered by Reba and quickly exposed on Twitter by the Stork. I bet you wish you knew who Reba was…
That’s all for now, folks!
September 10, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! Another week passed, and another football player interrupting Coach’s pre-game speech. The week began with an awesome Labor Day, which we spent consuming countless calories of pancakes, eggs, and sausage at the local firehouse. We attended the breakfast to show support for a man who is a firefighting hero, a brilliant engineering professor, and our own goalkeeper coach, Kevin (Cool Runnings) Roper.
Because of this man, our goalkeepers know the exact position to be in when an opposing player strikes a ball with a mass of 430 grams at an initial velocity of 25 meters per second and from an angle of 42.5 degrees. Tuesday night we successfully tested these equations against the Pioneers of Malone University as we squeaked out a 2-1 win. Goals were scored by Jon (A goal is a goal) Earl and Timmy (Locks of Love) Waller.
Bright and early Friday morning we boarded the bus for our overnight excursion to wild and not so wonderful West Virginia. After eating lunch at team-favorite Jimmy John’s and visiting the Parkersburg farmer’s market, we discovered that we were halfway to our first game without our bag full of game jerseys. While the idea of going shirts vs. skins definitely came across our minds, we quickly devised a plan for Mr. and Mrs. Hoppe to turn around, retrieve our jerseys, and deliver them seconds before kickoff. It was going to be a close one.
After Coach (We pray a lot) Beall finally finished his interruption-filled speech, we started warming up on the field hoping our jerseys would arrive on time. As Ryan (I need a spare battery) Sjoquist was climbing the nearest cliff and breaking tree trunks with his bare hands in order to get the perfect camera angle, Hoppe’s parents delivered the goods just in the knick of time! Despite the best efforts of the Alderson-Broaddus Battlers, we prevailed in the contest with a 2-1 overtime victory with goals scored by Eric (Tiny Tim) Newman and Steve (Cool, calm, & collected) Ellis.
Following a fun night of Bob Evans and trying to get the Days Inn air conditioning to work as well as the Avana Hotel in Bang Na, we awoke to Coach (I found a new book) Faro telling us a hilarious joke about a chicken. However, Faro’s joke didn’t hold a candle to the jokes made by our bus driver. You see, not only was our motor coach operator a comedian, but Kevin (Remember to give me credit) Greene had a camera lens that nearly protruded from the sideline all the way to the edge of the 18-yard box. Big props go out to the guy for giving us over 500 images from our West Virginia weekend.
Saturday’s skirmish against the Fighting Scots of Ohio Valley went swimmingly as goals were scored by Timmy (Welcome to Brock) Waller, Ohio (I scored in the wrong goal) Valley, Jon (Check out my new wheels) Earl, and Connor (Carrot Top) Scott. On the way home, Jeremy (No dessert for you) Hoppe made us watch some “interesting” movies, the two Connors slap-betted each other, Mitch (I love rocks more than Clarissa) Goodling read 90 minutes of the wrong book, and we all celebrated the fact that we were finally out of West Virginia.
That’s all for now, folks!
September 3, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! Another week passed, and another dominating win by the Purple Team at the Dribblers’ field. You see, the Purple Team head coaches Steve (Mr. Grumpy) Schindler and Connor (Texting my Cougar) Gilmour have led their squad on a winning streak that is leaving the rest of the four and five-year-olds in town looking for answers. Despite the best efforts of Jon (Rain Jacket Connoisseur) Earl’s Navy Team, the Purple Team may be on their way to a 1972 Miami Dolphins-esque perfect season.
Thursday night we departed to the state of Indiana to face off against the Southern Indiana Screaming Eagles. As we stopped at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere to stretch our legs, a group of brave souls discovered a lonely heifer wallowing along the fence. Unfortunately for the cow, its tail was tangled around the fence tighter than Todd (Chris Voltz!) McKinley’s shirts after lifting. Unfortunately for Zach (Where’s my Jersey?) Harris, the fence sent a shock of electricity running up his arm as he tried to heroically untangle the cow’s tail. To make matters worse, we almost departed the rest stop without Timmy (Needs a Haircut) Waller. As for our clash against the Screaming Eagles, Justin (Can I Have Your Number?) Santoro dramatically deposited a ball into the back of net to give us the 1-0 victory.
Friday night, as Zack (Pure Michigan) Gatlin, Connor (Kingdom Hearts) Scott, and Jeremy (Swing and a Miss) Hoppe were driving aimlessly around Springfield looking for a couch that was already sold, we were gearing up for our home opener on Saturday night against the University of Indianapolis Greyhounds. Besides getting off the island and opening up the hatch, there are very few things that are more than enjoyable than playing on Yellow Jacket Field in front of our fantastic fans. After an unnecessary delay because the sky lit up a few times, goals in the 4-1 triumph were scored by Christian (Nice Flip Throw) Alexander, Steve (Captain Insano) Ellis, and Connor (George Weber, Jr.) Scott.
Shout out of the week goes to Leyna (Tape Master) Hebert for doing a wonderful job of taping our ankles, taking care of Todd, giving us water, passing out napkins and pizza, and becoming our team mom on long road trips.
That’s all for now, folks!
August 27, 2012
Greetings from the Bang Na Towers! After another whirlwind flight around the world, we are back in Ohio and ready to get this show on the road. Eight new faces joined us back at school as we began sharpening our skills for the upcoming season. Unfortunately, the Red Storm of the University of Rio Grande caught wind of the transitive property that makes us better than Barcelona, so they cancelled their scrimmage against us for the obvious reason of fear.
As we concluded our first week of cruyffing, turning away, and handling everything, the freshmen geared up for the always-exciting freshmen party. Dressed in Jeremy (Fits of Rage) Hoppe’s high school outfits, the new soccer freshmen strutted to the center of campus for everyone to see them. At the party and while Zach (Wanna run some stairs, Bruva?) Harris was tweeting about being tired, the freshmen met as many girls as possible. The most successful of the bunch turned out to be Ethan (Ladies Love Local Boys) Dewhurst, but fun was had by all.
A new tradition was born on August 19, 2012. The first-annual Athletic Training Department vs. Men’s Soccer Team paintball game was formed as a challenge from the trainers and a way for us to get back at them for those practices without Gatorade. After loading up our hoppers and lowering our masks, we entered a world of trenches, bunkers, rocks, and brush known as Vietnam. Paint was flying everywhere as the soccer team picked trainers off left and right. Unfortunately for Mitch (I Disapprove) Goodling, Daniel (The Bearded Wonder) Rigby’s first shot struck his own teammate Mitch right in his back from five yards away. But once Timmy (Benedict Arnold) Waller was splattered out of the trainers’ lookout tower, the soccer team quickly disposed of the rest and claimed the victory in the first battle.
Meanwhile in the second battle, Todd (My Hopper Fell Off!) McKinley transformed into Rambo and kept playing even though paintballs were breaking on his shoulders every second. While the ref was removing crazy Rambo from the game, Christian (Welt of a Warrior) Alexander was hit in the arm point-blank by Grant (Trigger Happy) Kovac. The battle wound remains on his bicep to this very day. After a few hours of foxhole missions, left flank raids, ducking and covering, and saving private Ryan Thurman from the hands of the trainers, the war ended with five victories for the soccer team and zero victories for the trainers. The dominating afternoon was summed up in this battle report from Daniel (Sharp Shooter) Rigby, “It would have been more fun if I actually would have hit someone.”
This past weekend we took the pitch for a scrimmage against the Findlay Oilers. The guys did well but still proved there is plenty of work to do before our first official game this Thursday night at Southern Indiana.
That’s all for now, folks!
Eric Hoober is a junior accounting major from Elkton, Md. He is in his third season with the Yellow Jackets as a defender.
