2013 Yellow Jacket Soccer Blog
by Eric Hoober
November 12, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another West Virginian adventure to close out the year.
This past week, we embarked on a journey to Elkins (Leave Your Cell Phone at Home), West Virginia that will never be forgotten. After finishing up our last practice at home, sliding down the hill in the mud, and watching Joe (Not Enough Energy) Davison get sniped one final time, we ate dinner and prepared to load the bus for the weekend. Luckily, Chris (Everything But The Kitchen Sink) Anderson was prepared to stay in West Virginia for a month as he upgraded to the supersized-edition suitcase and packed enough clothes for all four teams in the tournament combined.
While disappointed that our season-ending voyage would not be captained by Don (The Man) in the sleeper bus, we were quickly cheered up by our usual bus driver Rich (Cool Out!) Coolman and the ability to watch great movies like Miracle. Because of this movie, we were finally able to show Joel (I Love America) Twinem what a real hockey team looks like. Upon arriving in Elkins, we pulled into a run-down tavern amidst a desolated construction zone, and Coach (It Looked Better Online) Faro informed us that this is where we would be spending our nights. Our faces full of anguish and fear of the natives, we entered the building only to uncover a place much like Bickett Road - sketchy on the outside but beautiful within. The Isaac Jackson Hotel, founded in 1863 by the last remaining survivor of the Elkins Indian clan, ended up providing us with the nicest rooms we have ever stayed in. Long live Isaac Jackson!
Thursday morning we went down on the farm to Bob Evans for some Farmer’s Choices, unlimited mocha lattes, and to prepare for our match against the Trevecca Nazarene Trojans. Beating a team a third time would be no easy task, but it ended up that way as we conquered by the score of 6-2 with goals scored by Todd (I’m Exhausted) McKinley, Dillon (Lover Not a Fighter) King, Christian (Look Before You Squat) Alexander, Zach (Snow Bunny) Harris, and Joel (Where’s My Longboard?) Twinem twice.
Following the match, we celebrated at the neighborhood bar and grill, Applebee’s, and then scurried over to Wal-Mart to stock up on supplies. You see, before entering Sam Walton’s fine establishment, the coaches specifically cautioned us on purchasing sweets and candy due to the fact that we had just played a game. So naturally, every one of us proceeded to buy a half gallon of milk coupled with any combination of oreos, cookies, gummy bears, or full cookie sheets that we could find. Our night concluded with listening to Coach (Ray Hudson) Duerr rant and rave about Jazzar the goalie and Rich (Top Driver in the League) Coolman sharing his testimony and words of wisdom with us young lads.
On our day off, after awaking to the smell of the world-famous Isaac Jackson cinnamon rolls, we completed our last practice of the year back at the school. After Paulo (Shut The Door) Diniz and Christian (Dump on a Dump) Alexander stopped arguing over room 300 problems and the professionals were brought in to fix it, we headed to the movies to learn about the dangers of the Somali Coast Guard. Fortunately for Captain (I’m Not Irish) Phillips, the United States Navy saved the day, and now we all know why shipping costs are through the roof.
With no other options in the expansive town of Elkins, we headed back to Applebee’s for some grub. Satisfied with plenty of Cowboy Burgers and Honey Pepper Chicken in our bellies, we departed for the hotel as Ethan (Newman Would Be Proud) Dewhurst channeled his inner-vulture by licking every last ounce of food off of our plates.
The next morning was the final act in the drama as we played in the conference championship against the Davis & Elkins Senators. A hard-fought back and forth battle ensued. No goals would be scored in this contest as it was tied 0-0 at the end of two overtimes. We were fortunate to win the title in the dreaded penalty kicks as Ethan (Stonewall Isaac Jackson) Dewhurst saved two goals and Connor (I’d Rather Be Fishing) Gilmour, Dillon (Too Boring For A Nickname) King, Timmy (Moroccan Maniac) Waller, and Zach (Ice In My Veins) Harris scored for us. Since we were newly crowned #g_mac champs, Coach (Save The Date) Faro made our wildest dreams come true by taking us out for ice cream on the way home.
The bus ride back began with some soul power, a left side and a strong side, a broken foot in someone’s John Brown hind parts, some blitzing all night, and a fake 23 blast with a backside George reverse as we watched Remember the Titans one final time. After Grant (The Handle Was Broken) Kovac locked half the team in the bathroom, Rich pulled us back into Cedarville for the last time this season.
From singing O Holy Night in Downtown Disney to the trumpet man of Medieval Times to getting lost at the Bang Na Towers to the paint ball wars back in Vietnam to the pumpkin carving in silly costumes, it sure has been one wild, yet unbelievable adventure.
Until forever, I leave you with this:
"When the blog dies and they lay me to rest, gonna go to the place that’s the best, when I lay the blog down to die, goin’ up to the spirit in the sky."
Our time is now!
November 5, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and Happy Halloooooweeen!
Before costumes, candy, and pumpkins, we had to finish up our regular season with a road trip to Erie, PA. Facing off against the Golden Knights of Gannon University, we suffered a setback with our lone goal scored by Zach (I Killed It) Harris on a left-footed shot into the side panel.
The rest of the week involved searching far and wide for the perfect costume to wear to the traditional Cedarville Soccer Costume Party. After performing countless "costume idea" Google searches, travelling to Wal-Mart and Goodwill, and stopping at the Post Office and Fire Department, everyone besides Aaron (Where’s my Costume?) Plummer found a costume in some way, shape, or form. Superheroes, a firefighter, gorillas, a geologist, tennis players, a cheerleader, Jedi Knights, a chicken, a Ninja Turtle, a mailman, and a stupid box showed up at Coach (Arrrrggggghhhhh!) Duerr’s house for a night we shall never forget!
While Mitch (The Mailman) Goodling and Jon (The Box) Earl were fighting over who should have been the box, Grant (Thunder Thighs) Kovac was demonstrating to us all what we are going to look like in twenty years if we stop playing soccer and keep eating McDonald’s ice cream. As that was happening, Justin (Mitch in 5 Years) Santoro explained the correct way to dig for fossils, Joe (I Don’t Wanna Be A Chicken) Davison kept laying eggs, and Eric (Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires) Hoober could not stop sweating.
After trying to figure out the costumes of Aaron (Your Roommate isn’t a Costume) Plummer, Joel (Neither is Connor Scott) Twinem, and Coach (Stick Man) Faro, the 2nd annual Cedarville Men’s Soccer Pumpkin Carving Contest began! Fortunately for us, Connor (We Need More Time) Scott and his group were unable to repeat as champions, and the contest was won by Zack (Top Carver) Gatlin, Christian (Top Artist) Alexander, and Daniel (Assistant to the Top Carver) Rigby with a superb carving of a wolf.
The week concluded with Coach (I Love Enablers) Faro receiving 27 individual Mountain Dews from every guy on the team in celebration of his addiction and his birthday.
Our time is now!
October 28, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another ball rescued from the corn fields behind our practice field.
After three training sessions of finding splits, one-touch transitioning, and going against the flow, we geared up for a home skirmish against the Trevecca Nazarene Trojans for the second time this year. Both goals in the 2-0 victory were scored by Connor (Breaking Boards) Gilmour after Ethan (I Never Score) Shula hit the post. To celebrate, Zach (The Dungeon Is Mine) Harris received a whole new wardrobe as the wonderful Mama Zazz was in town for a few days.
Saturday night we played our last regular season home game, and as such, it was Senior Night. This year’s group of scumbag seniors consisted of Todd (Toolshed) McKinley, Zack (Craving Some Puckerrooms) Gatlin, Ethan (I Hate Crosby) Shula, Jon (DJ Chrome Wheels) Earl, Timmy (Insert Hair Nickname) Waller, Mitch (Clarissa’s Cuddle Buddy) Goodling, Dillon (I’m Makin’ Waffles!) King, and Eric (What’s an Injury?) Hoober.
Following the quick pre-game ceremony, we started our match against the Kentucky Wesleyan Panthers. After Connor (I Love Isotopes) Gilmour got his regularly scheduled goal out of the way, some seniors joined in on the scoring spree. Not wanting to waste any time, senior Zack (Lucky Cleats) Gatlin struck with a goal just 11 seconds into the second half. And then, senior Timmy (Go Greeneville Football) Waller assisted classmate Todd (Better Late Than Never) McKinley for the third and final goal.
Our time is now!
October 21, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another stop at Fazoli’s for the twenty-seventh time.
The week began with another long trip to West Virginia. Waking up early and doubling up on the bus due to the presence of the women’s team, we departed for Salem International University. Two lucky souls, Chris (Not A Movie Buff) Anderson and Spencer (I Love To Talk) Petersheim were almost left behind due to a faulty alarm clock, but they arrived just in the nick of time.
The best kept secret of our departure was all of the space in the extra van driven by Coach (I Miss the Autobahn) Knight as five young lads got to spread out while the rest were jam-packed on the bus.
Upon arriving in our least favorite state, we were greeted with an interesting playing surface. Bumpy dirt without grass, multi-colored lines zigzagging everywhere, locker rooms nowhere to be seen, and a nice, high view of the scenery from the middle of the pitch were going to be norm for this afternoon game. We escaped with a tie with the only goal scored by Daniel (Bring Back the Beard) Rigby after he headed the ball off his nose.
One of our favorite weekends of the year occurred this week as the whole campus went home for Fall Break. Left with the whole campus to ourselves and plenty of free time, we traveled to Xenia for a ministry opportunity on Friday night. After watching Jarrett (Football Freestyler) Kersten, Joel (Americans Don’t Juggle?) Twinem, Aaron (Master of the Pancake) Plummer, and Daniel (One-Trick Wonder) Rigby perform a juggling circus act for the kids, we were able to play multiple games and share our testimonies with them.
At the end of the weekend and after Joel (Free Health Care) Twinem returned from a 12-hour trip just for an orthodontist appointment, we journeyed to Oakland City University for a match. Once again we had to travel to a park, but fortunately this park had an expansive artificial grass surface. After waiting 85 minutes to put a ball in the back of the net, Chris (Not Much of a Dancer) Anderson found himself all alone about 10 yards out and roofed it into the top shelf.
Shout out of the week goes to Ryan (The Sjo Goes On) Sjoquist for resuming his position of video coordinator extraordinaire for the weekend.
Our time is now!
October 14, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another beat dropped by Todd (DJ Muscle Milk) McKinley.
On Tuesday we traveled across time zones to Indiana for a face-off against the Saint Joseph’s College Pumas. We needed every bit of time as we waited until the 87th minute for Daniel (Dead Fish) Rigby to put a ball in the back of the net and set off a bench-clearing jubilation.
After arriving back at campus in the wee hours of the night once again and practicing again on Wednesday, we geared up for a clash against the Alderson Broaddus Battlers on Thursday night on our home pitch. Battling would be held to a minimum this evening as the good guys won 3-0 with goals scored by Connor (D2 Player of the Week) Gilmour, Christian (Robin Hood of the Week) Alexander, and Timmy (Comeback Player of the Week) Waller.
On Friday night commenced another legendary Cedarville Soccer team event hosted by the Hoppe’s. After once again forgetting Ethan (I Hate Quiet Hours) Lee, we arrived at Jeremy (Birthday Boy) Hoppe’s church for a night of food, sports, musical experimentation, and FIFA. First on the agenda was a team-wide game of knockout in which Zack (Future Intramural Champ) Gatlin dominated with two victories. As we moved to the basement to play ping-pong and foosball, we were greeted with the glorious voice of Chris (Send Me to Nashville) Anderson accompanied by Paulo (Jimi Hendrix) Diniz on the guitar. However, our chill coffeehouse session came to a close as Todd (Droppin’ Beats) McKinley was called to the stage and interrupted with the best beat boxing performance we’ve ever heard in our young lives.
Our week concluded with a disappointing Saturday evening against the Davis & Elkins Senators.
Our time is now!
October 8, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and yet another goal scored by Connor (I Had A Good Week) Gilmour.
Let’s first rewind to last weekend as we once again boarded the faithful sleeper bus for an excursion to the Keystone State to square off against the Lock Haven Bald Eagles. Not only were we reunited with the sleeper bus, but as we boarded the transportation device, we were greeted with the smiling face of Don, the greatest bus driver in the history of the world. Immediately, a "Don’s the Man!" chant erupted in ear-splitting decibels, reminiscent of that time long ago when we decided to take up Christmas caroling.
As for our 2-0 triumph over the Bald Eagles, goals were scored by Jared (I Got Robbed) Newman Jeremy (I’ll Thank The Refs) Hoppe and Zack (Through The Wickets) Gatlin. The real fun began after the game as Mitch (My Babyy Boo) Goodling held up our departure for home because he was putting on a show for all of the bus to see. Upon returning to campus at 2:30 AM, we were welcomed with yet another Brock fire drill thanks to shenanigans committed last spring by Zack (King of Pranks) Gatlin, Jeremy (I Enjoy Anger) Hoppe, and Dan (Innocent Victim) Pennisi.
This weekend was Homecoming on campus and as tradition suggests, the most important event was the Cedarville Men’s Soccer Alumni Game. After many months of lifting, dieting, running, and telling their significant others about the "glory days," the pioneers of our program returned to the pitch to show us young bloods how it is done. While defense was optional, runs out of the middle were sparse, and oxygen masks were on hand, fun was had by all and now these legendary trailblazers have a full twelve months to heal any injuries for next year.
Our second game of the week was against the Fighting Scots of Ohio Valley in which goals were scored by Christian (I Love Chemistry) Alexander, Connor (What’s a Haircut?) Gilmour, Joel (Welcome to America) Twinem, Chris (Why Georgia?) Anderson, and Stephen (Mo Goals Mo Problems) Morris. On Saturday, our beat down of the Shippensburg Raiders included wonder goals from both Connor (Seven Deadly Shots) Gilmour and Christian (Lefty Specialist) Alexander.
Shout out of the week goes to Natalie (I Wish I Was Taller) DiGregorio for making the long trip all the way to Ohio and for beating everyone in Monopoly Deal.
Our time is now!
October 2, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another raging chant for Plummer in the Alford Auditorium.
As we continued on our streak of not playing a home game, we traveled to The Rock of Slippery Rock University. Of course, the geologist clan of the team was overcome with tears of joy upon arriving on campus. Let’s just say Mitch (A Hard Rock Life) Goodling, Ethan (I Take Rocks For Granite) Shula, and Joel (Rookie Rocker) Twinem were really digging the location of our upcoming competition. Unfortunately, we suffered our first setback of the year with the lone goal being scored by Jon (Eat Fresh) Earl.
Afterwards, Rich (Back for More) Coolman piloted us to the wonderful home of Justin (Sweet Home Cranberry) Santoro for some authentic Italian cuisine. A huge shout out and big thanks go out to all of the Santoro parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, and sisters for providing us with the most fantastic meatballs this side of the Atlantic Ocean. While everything else was cooked to perfection, nothing even came close to the marvelous, spectacular, and awe-inspiring apple bread prepared by none other than Jayme (Rachael Ray) Santoro. In other news, Ethan (I Wish I Lived on 2nd Floor) Lee once again outlasted Coach (The Mighty Have Fallen) Knight in a loud and blasted game of ping-pong.
Friday night was the much anticipated New Student Talent show where Aaron (Irish Peddler) Plummer captured the hearts and minds of all in attendance with a stunning display of the Irish Jig. "Plummer!" chants erupted all throughout the night as he twinkled his toes on stage faster than our eyes’ could fathom. However, the unthinkable occurred as Plumdogg’s boisterous fan club seemed to have swayed the judges and crowd to incorrectly select an inferior act as the winner. Long live Plummer!
Our time is now!
September 24, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another fiddle-playing cowboy singing on the streets of Nashville. But hold it right there, before we sing about our adventure in the Music City, we must examine our gargantuan tilt against the Xavier Musketeers last Tuesday. Taking on an NCAA Division I program with multiple national tournament appearances would be no easy task, but the Jackets were up to the challenge, battling for 110 minutes and ultimately earning a 1-1 stalemate, with the lone goal scored by Connor (Where’s my Headband?) Gilmour. Big props go out to all of our supporters that night as one lad from the other side proclaimed it "felt like an away game on our home ground."
Thursday morning we awoke to the glorious sight of the famous sleeper bus parked in front of the Athletic Center. The last time we were blessed to set foot in this immaculately engineered piece of metal was our medieval-filled Floridian adventure two years ago. Unfortunately, neither Don, Leo, or Sharon were able to captain our adventure to the south, but Richie Rich Coolman performed admirably as he found splits and navigated the treacherous waters down to Nashville. After awaking from our slumbers, the annual tradition of cards soon broke out. While Jon (Just Say No) Earl was debt collecting the Monopoly deal gang, Jeremy (Anger Management) Hoppe was mopping up in Bull, Jarrett (Stay Tucked) Kersten was dominating Euchre, and Coach (Hearts on Hearts) Knight was shooting the moon like always, the goon squad in the back was playing the most prestigious game of all, "Spuds."
After arriving at the home of the Trevecca Nazarene Trojans and performing khaki-ripping stretches to please the locals, we laced our boots and geared up for our contest. Ninety minutes later we walked out with a 4-0 victory with goals scored by Connor (Property Wild) Scott, Zack (Can’t Be Tackled) Gatlin, Joel (Aunt Jemima) Twinem and Mitch (Goals > Bucks) Goodling. Nevertheless, the old, grizzly veterans couldn’t keep up their scoring aptitude the next morning at practice as the young bloods of the team cleaned house in a game of Crossing Wars.
What follows next on our excursion can only be referred to as true greatness. Upon arriving in downtown Nashville to explore the Music City, we were dropped off directly adjacent to the Bridgestone Arena, winter home of the Nashville Predators and current home of none other than the stunning Taylor Swift. The pageantry and glory of the last stop on the 66-city Red Tour was a spectacle none of us will ever forget.
After eating a country-music filled meal at a BBQ joint, we explored Music Row as Eric (Sparks Fly) Hoober snapped thousands of pictures next to the tour buses, Mitch (Saucy Cheeks) Goodling made some new friends, Zach (Black Magic!) Harris bought the next hit record from some hobos, and Joe (Join the Battle) Davison discovered one of the nicest fox paintings in the entire state. Surprisingly, not one young cowboy in our clan left the Melody Metropolitan with a Stetson Hat or a Hank Williams record.
Friday night we voyaged back to the state of Kentucky where Rich, our trusty driver, had to drop us off and return the magnificent sleeper bus to its home in Indiana. Later on, after crossing the busy street like we were engaged in the Battle of Bunker Hill, we settled in for some nice grub at a local establishment called Texas Roadhouse. As the rest of us were eating way too many rolls, Coach (300-to-1) Knight lost the odds game to Connor (#222) Scott and had to stand and bellow a German phrase to the entire restaurant. Hysterical uproars ensued as someone in the massive crowd actually understood the foreign expression along with the fact that Coach (Unless…!) Knight had essentially been swindled by a simple hoax.
Our road trip quest was coming to a close as we faced off on Saturday afternoon against the Kentucky Wesleyan Panthers. Goals in the 6-1 conquest were scored by Christian (Cut My Leg Off) Alexander, Jared (I Have a Roommate?) Newman, Connor (Work Hard, Play Hard) Scott, Stephen (Vans a Make Her Dance) Morris, Christian again, and Joel (Canadian Bacon) Twinem. The bus/van ride home consisted of Todd (Lick My Elbow) McKinley downloading a plethora of health and fitness apps, Dan (Cheaters Never Prosper) Pennisi calling an ace after an eight-high flush, and Paulo (Words of Wisdom) Diniz summing it up in his best Brazilian accent: "These girls are talking machines."
Our time is now!
September 16, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another chapter of the storied history of Dribblers has been etched into the record books. Dribblers is a co-ed children’s soccer ministry in town, in which lucky members of our team get to vigorously train the up-and-coming four & five-year-olds to someday take our place on the Yellow Jacket pitch. As always, this season of Dribblers featured lots of excitement, handballs, own goals, heartbreak, and controversy.
Not only did we learn that jumping on the ball when it goes out of bounds is more fun that kicking the ball into the net, but we learned the importance of directional kicking, snack time, and building a wall in front of the goal. Some highlights from the gridiron include Spencer (Mr. Mom) Petersheim learning the fundamentals of babysitting on the sideline; Justin (Frank’s Beloved Son) Santoro steam-rolling a kid on accident only for the kid to get up, smile, and proclaim: "You should have been more careful!"; and the entire Red Team coaching staff showing everyone else how NOT to coach little kids. Much to the jealousy and dismay of the rest of us, Chris (The Birdman) Anderson and some other inferior coaches led their team to an undefeated season in which the best chance the rest of the league had at beating them only occurred with Dillon (Distracted by Sarah) King at the helm.
Our lone contest of the week resulted in a 1-0 victory against the Walsh University Cavaliers in which the only goal was scored by Jon (Ignite Your Natitude) Earl.
Shout out of the week goes to Kurt (Master of Rehabilitation) Beachy for being our wonderful trainer that provides the best tape jobs in all of the land.
Our time is now!
September 10, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Another week passed, and another piece of candy thrown to the kids at the Labor Day parade. Their eyes lit up with excitement as the sight of delicious and cavity-filled sugar bounced along the road in their direction. After spreading Cedarville Soccer joy to every person in town and seeing way too many John Deere tractors along the way, we finished scampering through the giant monstrosity we call Cedarville and called it a day.
The week pressed on with training sessions, Dribbler’s soccer ministry for little kids in town, and of course our home opener on Thursday night against the Southern Indiana Screaming Eagles. Besides constantly defeating Mitch (Slaw Dog) Goodling in a game of Monopoly Deal, there are very few things that are more than enjoyable than playing on Yellow Jacket Field in front of our fantastic fans. After 110 minutes of forgetting to put the ball into the back of the net, we finished our first game in a scoreless stalemate and began preparing for our Saturday match versus the Malone Pioneers.
Saturday night’s battle against the Pioneers began with a goal scored by Timmy (Who Needs Hair) Waller as he rocketed it into the gaping hole at the near post. Following a glorious finish to the far post by a Pioneer defender, Zach (Pop, Pop!) Harris added a third tally with a left-footed drive that snuck in.
What occurred next has been referred to by some as the most miraculous thing that has happened to Cedarville Soccer in the last five years. Connor (I Love Country Music) Scott went streaking down the right sideline only to cross a ball on the ground, that somehow snuck through all of the forwards and defenders in the box. However, galloping to the rescue was a lowly outside back with one career shot on goal and a shot with the strength and accuracy of a BB gun. After fooling the keeper with a change-up bouncing shot and scoring his first collegiate goal, Eric (Miracles Do Come True) Hoober celebrated like there was no tomorrow.
You weren’t dreaming, Eric (Subway Athlete of the Week) Hoober actually scored a goal. The odds of this event occurring were even less than an elephant jumping over a car, Jon (My Life is Locked) Earl dunking a basketball, or the Jaguars winning the Super Bowl. You never know what you might see if you make your way out to Yellow Jacket Field!
Shout out of the week goes to Coach (I Put a Ring On It) Faro for getting his first head coaching win and for getting engaged to much beloved Shelley (Nebraska is for Lovers) Hermann.
Our time is now!
September 4, 2013
The Blog, "A tradition unlike any other."
Thank you Jim Nantz for that special opening, but
"now, wait a minute.
I'm not an answer to your prayers,
I’m not a savior or Jesus Christ,
or Martin Luther King,
or the Easter Bunny.
I’m a blog writer, that’s all."
And now, once again, we embark on another mission this fall that will surely be filled with fun, memories, team activities, goals, and plenty of tomfooleries.
After arriving back at Cedarville in record time due to the increased speed limit on I-70, we began nervously preparing for the lovely mile run. As the clock struck midnight, we dashed around the track faster than a bunch of bee stung stallions in the Kentucky Derby. Little did we know or expect, greatness was upon us as Connor (Glad to Have You Back) Gilmour set a new program record as he crossed the line at exactly 280 seconds. And just like that, our season of all seasons had begun.
We wrapped up our first weekend of five training sessions in a span of about 24 hours, and celebrated with the annual tradition of the freshmen party. Looking fly and equipped with phrases to enter a Christian girl’s heart, our new scallywags marched to the center of the party for all to see. Jarrett (Stud Muffin) Kersten shattered the previous record for number of pictures by using the now-famous line: "How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?" As the fun-filled night came to a close, Paulo (Solomon had 700 jives) Henrique Diniz de Souza Pinto wooed girls using his impeccable foreign charm and business attire, plus, everyone knows girls love an accent.
Now as much as we all may love to lace up our boots and hit the pitch, the real fun begins in our team activities. To kick off the year, we were greeted with a Coach (BangNa!) Knight lawn game competition of epic proportions. Pitted against one another in the always intense games of cornhole, redneck golf, and Kan Jam, we duked it out until there were only two teams left. On the slate for the championship match was none other than the Dillon Panthers vs. the East Dillon Lions. Riding on the coattails of Dillon (Making Sense of Investing) King, Connor (Loving you is RED) Gilmour and Jared (Guppies Galore) Newman helped the Lions secure the win in the final. To make matters worse, the next weekend Connor (I Win Everything) Gilmour and Ethan (Baby Bladder) Shula won our disc golf competition by successfully mastering the art of the heiser!
We wrapped up preseason with two scrimmages in which the best highlight came when Todd (Stupid Ankle Brace!) McKinley displayed his inner Bear Grylls by removing a bat from our game field with his bare hands. If only the rest of us could ever be as strong or manly as McKinley.
Our time is now!
Eric Hoober is a senior at Cedarville University from Elkton, Md. and majoring in accounting.
